A Letter

Today was alright. They always play sad music when the seniors walk in. It was a sad occassion, and thinking about not having the class of 09 walking through the halls reminds me of last year, when the class of 08 were retiring their senior status. Next year is the dreaded class of 10 though. The year I know I'll bawl. Well, I tend to tie up loose ends at the end of the year, so of course I left a few sentimental yearbook pages, (and coincidentally the person who was rudest to me all year left a nicer sentiment than the people I actually fell for.) However, Kaela had the nicest sentiment ever, someone special asked her out through yearbook. :) Cheesy, but cute. Anywho, with today being the seniors' last day, I won't be attending school tomorrow. I have a research paper to write on the Louvre Museum, and I have to burn too many cds for my mother. Also with today being the last day for the seniors, remember the rude person mentioned previously? I sent him a text I've been wording and rewording in my head for about a week. It read:

"I got pretty much everything I wanted to say out in your yearbook, and while this is probably completely unnecessary, and I'm probably going to be embarrassed that I ever sent this, I wanted to say sorry. Sorry I had way too many blonde moments, sorry I was singing and you overheard me, sorry I provoked you to be a complete dick, sorry. I'm not being sarcastic, I just hate the year ending distastefully. I always do this. You've probably gathered who this is by now, but one last thing. I'm sorry for sending you to the office for harassment. I honestly didn't mean to; it was an accident. But I hope you have a great summer and good luck in college. Ill delete your number or whatever after this, I've just been waiting to send this for about a week. So yeah, good luck in life. :)"
"I never went to the office lol"
"Well according to everyone else you did, so my bad haha."
"Yeah kayla did though"
"Yeah I didn't mean to send her either, but I think she hates me more than you haha so I'm kinda scared to apologize."
"Its fine"
"Anyway though, I'll let you go, haha bye."
"Okay bye"

Why did him saying its fine make me feel so much better, why was I so keen on giving up the conversation at face, when inside I was more reluctant than ever. Why did the last 'bye' feel as if it was the most final? How is it possible that he can give me so much emotion when I know for certain that anything near 'liking' him is out of the question? Why does any form of kindness towards him and vice versa make me feel as if I'm on the verge of tears? And what will I do if anyone ever read this and made it publicly known? I may die of embarrassment. But for now, I'll say my day went well. Irritation, sadness, sweat, near tears, pain, unspoken fears, happiness. Every cloud has its silver lining though. Good night.