Pain.

I had a dream last night, the dream is fuzzy upon remembering, but I do remember the basics: I confronted Jake, and I was awaiting his response. But, we were face-to-face. And he suddenly turned into a computer, and we were on IM once again. And I awoke three times, still awaiting his answer. I never received one, I guess my subconscious is fearing an answer as well. But an answer must come. The third time I awoke, I was in pain. Stomach pain, I was nearly doubled up in my bed, with stomach pain, it was making my head hurt as well, and I just attempted to go back to sleep, hoping the pain would subside. I woke up an hour later, with stomach pain again, wondering why I was in this much pain. The pain was an indescribable one, something between a cramp and a dull empty feeling, like you need to be punched in the stomach. Or hunger. Which is what I guessed was the reason for the pain, but I still wasn't hungry. I had no desire to eat. Which, coincidentally, is what I'm doing now. But, I decided I needed to get up, as it was nearly 10 AM in California, and if Jake was getting online in the morning, it was the opportune moment. Now, you may not realize how intense this need to talk to him is. Let me try to put it in words, I have two weeks worth of laundry to do, which I had planned on doing yesterday. I wasn't going to pull all-nighters on a nightly basis this summer, which so far, I pretty much have, heading to bed around 4 or 5 AM, East Coast Time. I spend 95% of the day in my bed, playing video games, texting, and of course, leaving the computer on in case he logs on. One thing, I HATE waiting. If I were to go to Hell, I'm sure I'd be placed in an eternal waiting room. Now, you probably are viewing me as an obsessed person at this moment, I'm not. Never have I waited this long for someone to get online, I usually get bored, and trust me, I have. But I can't risk missing him getting online, and having to wait another week. No, I will be online when he gets online, I will talk to him, and then I will continue life as it was before I learned all of these facts. I leave my bed to eat, and to use the restroom. I'm going to shower today, which sounds horrible, but I haven't had the time to leave the computer alone for long enough to shower. I showered Friday morning =/ I have an ingenius plan though, I'm going to get someone to watch yahoo for me, if he logs on, then they're going to tell him not to log off until I talk to him, then they're going to text me. Which I'm about to request Kaity to do, I do believe, as I REALLY need a shower. (GROSS.) This obsession isn't healthy, I understand this, but I need to talk to him, and I will, soon enough.