Stress-Induced

I've been insanely over-tired this week. I've had a thousand and one things to do, and its all piled up until tonight. Honestly, I feel as if I'm falling apart from the inside out. I don't even know if I'll get to bed tonight. 10 tons of mountain dew and a lot of chocolate may be what gets me through tomorrow. But I have to sleep sometime, otherwise Caitie's house will be major boring and tiring. And I don't want to be a lame guest. I have a research paper to write, a science project to publish (it always gets stuck at 36%!!!), a geography project to do, and I have a literature project I'm not even considering starting. +LAUNDRY. Are you kidding me? Ah well, tonight should be interesting, as I'm already ready to crash. I sleep way too much. Summer's so close, and I'm almost looking forward to it, considering the amounts of time I'll be able to slack off, ignore my responsibilities, and just sleep, all the time. (: But then I think of next year, of graduation, of everyone leaving, of EVERYONE leaving, and I come near a panic attack considering school without them. Majority rules, and the majority of the time, people lose contact. Also, I think of who I could possibly like at school, because I'm so tired of being single, and the same recurring thought appears. If I date someone from school, I won't tell him about Jakob. However, if I date someone from school, I'll tell Jakob about him. That means, the 'boyfriend' becomes a filler for x amount of time, the boyfriend doesn't know this, he gets hurt in the end. Jakob knows the truth from the beginning, and gets hurt all the way through. I swear, life would be a 1000 times easier if Jakob lived here. However, he doesn't, and I only talk to him every couple of weeks when he logs in. 3000 miles may not be that far, with all of the technological and transportation advances, but at 16, he may as well be around the world, or on Mars.

On an unrelated note, Erin Dakota Davison died her sophomore year, and would've graduated this year. The seniors did a memorial for her at the yearbook presentation, and my thoughts were as follows:

- If she would've been a senior this year, she died her sophomore year. Giving people two years to mourn for her, before she's sort of forgotten, or the hype dies down.

- Everyone gets really emotional everytime they play a memorial for her,

- (As much as this disgusts me,) I could die right now and be in her shoes and have that much attention.

- I could immortalize myself with death.

- I could be her.

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